The Grim Wedding of Billy and Mandy
by n5d25d90
Summary: Billy's nervous about his and Mandy's wedding day, and for good reason, because all the possible worst case scenarios seem to come into effect.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Billy and Mandy. Adam Burton does, and that's why he rocks.

Billy and Mandy are 20 years old in this fic. I'll let you figure out everyone else's ages.

So, without further ado, I give to you:

THE GRIM WEDDING OF BILLY AND MANDY

-1-

"I never t'ought I'd see da day," Grim said as he helped Billy with his bow tie. "And yet I had a feeling dis day would someday come."

"What day?" Billy asked.

Grim tilted his skull. "Don' tell me ya don' know why we in a church wearin' tuxedos, mon!"

Billy blushed. "Actually, I don't."

"I cannot believe dis! You and Mandy been plannin' dis ting for months!"

"No, wait! Don't tell me! Uh…my funeral?"

"Billy, are you dead? Besides, if Mandy finds out ya forgot, she WILL be plannin' yer funeral!"

Billy thought for a moment, and he shrugged. "Sorry. I got nothin'. What's today?"

Grim sighed. "I hope ya don' forget dis when yer at dee altar! It's yer wedding day, mon!"

Billy's eyes widened. "W-w-wedding day?" He shrieked and hid under a table.

"What's wrong, Billy?" Grim asked.

"I'm n-n-nervous…"

"Pre-wedding jitters, huh?" Grim guessed. The young man of 20 years nodded violently, confirming that Grim was right. The skeleton smiled with understanding. "Billy, many people get da jitters on der wedding day. It's perfectly natural."

"R-r-really?"

"Yep! In fact, Mandy probably has dem now."

-X-

"Alright! This wedding better go off without a hitch, or else!" Mandy yelled at the zombie bridesmaids. "You and you, get my veil! You there, with the eye-patch, can shine my shoes! And you, my maid-of-honor-by-force, just stand there and look pretty."

Mindy screamed, but it was muffled by the gag around her mouth. Her arms were tied behind her back and her left ankle was clamped down by a ball-and-chain.

"And you said I'd never marry, huh?" Mandy said to Mindy. "Well, look who's groomless now…"

-X-

Billy got up from under the table. "I…I don't know if I can go through with this…"

"It's too late for dat, mon," Grim said. "And I wouldn't experiment on it eit'er. Yer da first person she's ever loved wit'out her asking me to take out her heart. She's givin' up hatin' all tings just by loving one ting, and an insignificant ting at that! So if ya break her heart…well…who knows what would happen?"

Billy sighed. "I know. I mean, I love Mandy so much, and I want to be with her forever, but there's just…so many people out there…and everyone will be staring at me."

"Billy, der was a time when ya used to streak constantly," Grim said, shuddering at the memories, "and ya choose a moment like dis to get stage fright? Talk about yer bad timin', mon!"

The red-headed man nodded. "You're right, Grim! I gots to do this! For Mandy!"

"Dat's da spirit!" Grim cheered. "Now, I'm gonna check up on Mandy, 'kay Billy?"

"To see if she gots the jet-tears?"

"Uh…yeah…" Grim mumbled as he left. He didn't have the heart to tell him that he said "jitters" wrong. He knocked on Mandy's door. "Hello? Mandy? It's Grim. How's it goin' in der?"

The door opened and a zombie peered out. It's left eye fell out.

"Well, Mandy, I tink ya never looked lovelier," he laughed.

"Grim, I'm in here," a voice said sternly.

"I'm only kidding," Grim said as he entered the room. What he saw shocked him.

Mandy was wearing a WHITE dress?

Of course, it was her wedding, but it was still a shocking sight.

"Judging by the look on your face, either you're surprised to see me in a white dress…or you're a pervert," Mandy said monotonously.

"Ha, ha," Grim mumbled sarcastically. "So yer a comedian now, huh?"

"So…how's the groom doing?"

"Well…he's a bit nervous. Wedding jitters and all."

Mandy let out an annoyed sigh. "It's just like Billy to ruin something as important as today."

Grim shook his head. "If ya talk like dat about him, mon, ya shouldn't be marryin' him. Besides, I'm sure Billy would do anyt'ing to try and make dis da best wedding you could ever dream of."

"And in doing so, he'll probably ruin it faster," Mandy scoffed.

"Dat's enough, child," an annoyed Grim said. "Be grateful dat der's actually someone who loves you dat you won't beat up."

"Look, Grim! The only reason I let Billy get away with so much is because of our history together!"

"Den why are you marrying him?" Grim asked slyly.

Mandy was at a loss. But after a long silence, she finally spoke. "Because of our history together," she repeated, and paused again. "And because he…loves me…"

"Irwin loves ya, too, but ya shove it in HIS face."

"Billy is the only person that ever loved me for me, not my looks," Mandy replied. "All people like Irwin want is to marry a hot chick, but Billy…well…let's just say he's the only guy willing to love me for me. He's the only guy dumb enough to do so."

Grim sighed. "I agree dat Billy is one of da dumbest people alive today, but being in love wit' you is definitely not proof of dat. If you ask me, dat actually makes him pretty smart. After all, he was smart enough to get you to love somet'ing."

Mandy didn't say a word. Grim was right…for once. Grim noticed the silence and decided he should leave her alone, so he went back to Billy.

The blonde girl just stood there, trying to comprehend the idea of Billy being smart. It was very hard to do.

After a few seconds, she shrugged it off. "I still think anyone that would love ME is an idiot," she said to herself, "but maybe Grim has a point…"


	2. Chapter 2

I bet some of you are wondering what worst case scenarios I was talking about in the summary. Well…you're about to find out. Also, I'd like to say that when Billy is thinking that Mandy's never loved before, you might think that's wrong because of that whole situation with Piff, but I think that was more of a crush than actual love.

Oh, and I do not own any of these characters. The pastor is just a plain old pastor who apparently forgets things when he's freaked out. Why do I say that? Well…read on and find out.

-2-

Billy gulped. He was at the altar awaiting his bride. He was sweating like a pig, and the stares from his family didn't make things easier, especially when his dad started talking to his mom.

"Gladys, why are we here, and why is Billy up there?"

"Harold, don't tell me you forgot what today was!"

"Uh…Sunday?"

"Billy and Mandy have been planning this thing for months!"

"Uh…Billy's funeral?"

Billy looked over at his best man: the Grim Reaper. 'I don't know if I can do this,' he mouthed to him.

'Yes, you can,' Grim mouthed back.

The red-head gulped again. He looked over to the main doors, where his beautiful (and sadistic…and maniacal…and homicidal) bride was about to come through.

The organist played "Here Comes the Bride" on her organ, thus cueing the entrance of the blonde bride. The doors opened, and she walked in slowly. There was no flower girl, at the bride's request. Just the bride, who was staring at her groom as she walked down the aisle.

Billy stared back. For as long as he could remember (which wasn't very long ago) he had never seen Mandy in a white dress. But that wasn't the only reason he was staring. This was the woman that he was going to spend the rest of his life with! Okay, sure, most of his life WAS spent with her, but now it was going to be official!

That's when it hit him. Most of their lives WERE spent hanging out with each other, right? So shouldn't this be easy? This idea calmed Billy down a little bit.

Mandy was finally at the altar. Billy noticed she wasn't wearing any make-up or lipstick. He didn't really care about that stuff, though. He also noticed that Mandy wasn't doing her trademark evil glare. It was more like her trademark "shocked" look (with the eyebrows raised). He didn't know why she would be. Maybe she's nervous? No. It can't be. Mandy's never been nervous.

Then again, Mandy's never loved, either.

The pastor started speaking, but Billy and Mandy weren't paying attention. They were too busy staring at each other. At long last, there was a long silence, and the pastor cleared his throat to get the attention of the two.

"Wha?" Billy asked, dumbfounded.

"Vows," the pastor merely whispered.

"Huh? …Oh yeah!" He pulled a small sheet of paper from the inside of his tuxedo. "If…I…tray-duhd…it all, if I…tray-duhd…it all a…wa-ee…for…oh-ney…t-hing…"

"Let me see that," Mandy said as she took the paper from Billy, which shocked the pastor more than the groom himself. "You got this from Finger Eleven's 'One Thing', didn't you?"

Billy started to shake nervously. "S-sorry…"

Mandy sighed. "Relax, Billy. My vows came from that song, too."

The red-head became less tense. "Really? What's yours?"

Mandy spoke as if she rehearsed it: "Even though I know, I don't wanna know. Yeah, I guess I know. I just hate how it sounds."

The pastor was completely shocked. "Uh…O…kay…let's continue, shall we?"

"Yes. Let's," Mandy said in a cold whisper.

"Uh…yeah…um…I forgot what to do next," the pastor mumbled. "I'll be right back." He walked a few steps toward the pulpit, pulled up his left robe sleeve to see what he wrote (in pen) on his arm. "Oh yeah. Right." He let his sleeve fall back down and walked back to the two soon-to-be-wed couple. "William, do you take Amanda to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to…"

"I DO!" Billy shouted happily and stupid-like.

"Uh…okay…d-do you, Aman…"

"Mandy," the bride corrected.

"…Mandy, take William to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, 'til death do you part?"

Mandy didn't answer right away. She wanted to savor her final moments as an independent single woman. But she had to answer eventually, so she responded: "I do."

The pastor used his left hand to wipe his forehead. "Then, by the pow…OOP! I forgot to do something," he said when his robe sleeve fell and he read what it said. "If anyone has a reason these two should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace."

"Of pie?" Billy asked.

"No," the pastor mumbled. "So…anybody got a reason? Anybody? Hm…I guess not. Then by the…"

"STOP!"

All eyes turned toward the main doors.

Mandy's eyes widened. "Irwin?"


	3. Chapter 3

I don't think I've ever done this before (and I apologize for that), but thank you so much for the reviews! - It means a lot to me to know that people actually like my work. lol

As for the people who like Mouse Race, don't worry. I haven't forgotten about you. I just want to finish this piece first (Compared to Mouse Race, this piece is actually pretty short. I only have four chapters planned for this).

-3-

"I have a reason why these two should not be wed!" Irwin cried in the doorway. "I love her!"

The crowd gasped. Billy's nose fell off in shock. Mandy rested her face on her hands. "Oh, no…"

The pastor checked his arm for any notes. "Drat! I don't have this scenario written down! I don't know what to do now!"

"Well, dis kinda ting never happens in real life. Only in cheap TV shows," Grim replied.

Irwin ran up to the front of the massive room. "How can you do this to me, yo?"

"First off, I don't even LIKE you," Mandy answered. "Second, I'd rather not have a… well… 'mummy-in-law'. I mean, I have a hard enough time trying to understand what Billy's mom says."

"That is messed up, yo!" Irwin yelled. "Just admit it! You're racist!"

This surprised Mandy. She did not see it coming. "I'm not racist."

"Yes, you are! You're racist!"

Mandy looked at Billy for a moment. She never usually paid attention to such small detail, but Billy's skin was, in fact, much darker than her's. "I highly doubt that, Irwin."

Billy kneeled down to pick up his nose. When he put it back on, he looked at Irwin. "I'm sorry, Irwin, but the reason I'm at the altar and not you is because Mandy's marrying me, not you." He looked over to Mandy for reassurance. "Did I say that right?"

Mandy nodded. "Yep. Now, Irwin? There's a reason I didn't invite you to our wedding. I figured you'd do something like this, and now I'm asking you to leave."

Irwin looked over at Billy. "C'mon, yo! Help a brother out!"

Billy started to shake again. "I…uh…I…I…I can't do this!" he screamed as he ran past Irwin and toward the doors.

"Billy!" Mandy and Grim yelled simultaneously as they ran after him. Along the way, Mandy punched Irwin in the stomach.

-X-

Billy sat on the steps in front of the church, his head buried in his hands. He was crying…not his usual "bawling-like-crazy-and-causing-a-river" crying…just regular crying.

Mandy and Grim walked up to him. "You okay, Billy?" Grim asked.

"I ruined everything, didn't I?" Billy asked, not even looking up.

"No. Irwin did," Mandy said. "And the service isn't over yet. We can finish this quick, and you don't have to be nervous anymore."

"Yeah…I mean, you got t'rough all de bad tings dat could possibly happen at a wedding," Grim added. "What's der to be nervous about now?"

Billy wiped the tears out of his eyes and the snot hanging out of his nose (What's a Billy and Mandy fanfic without THAT picture stuck in your head?). "Thanks," he said as he stood up. "You guys are right! I CAN do this!"

"Dat's da spirit, mon!" Grim shouted. "Now, get in der, ya little rascals! We got a wedding to finish, and I want cake as soon as possible!"

-X-

"In the midst of all the pandemonium, I remembered one vital part of the ceremony," the pastor said. "And don't give me a hard time on it, either. I had a rough day. So… where's the rings?"

Mandy looked at Grim. "Well? You were in charge of that."

Grim, who had put Irwin in a muzzle and locked him in a small cage, nodded. "Ah, yes. Now I remember." He took the two rings out of his tuxedo. Then he handed the rings to the couple.

Since they already said their… um… "vows"… and their "I do's", they just had to put the rings on each other's fingers. Everything went okay when Mandy put the ring on Billy, but when Billy tried to put the ring on Mandy…

"Ah, crud!" Billy cried as he dropped the ring. He kneeled down and searched for it, resulting in an annoyed sigh from Mandy. He started to sweat again, since he got the impression that Mandy was extremely ticked off. Finally, he found it and put it on her finger. "Sorry about that."

Mandy, though she was biting down on her lower lip in anger, gave him a nod to show him she at least forgave him.

The pastor waited a few seconds before continuing. "By the power invested in me, I now pronounce you Man and Wife. You may now kiss the bride."

Billy smiled and pulled up Mandy's veil. He went in for the kiss that would cement their commitment… but his nose was too big and his lips couldn't reach. "Uh…hold on," he said, taking his nose off. He asked the pastor to hold on to it, and then he tried again. This time, their lips connected.

"Aww…" Harold said to Gladys. "Who would've thought Billy's funeral would turn out to be so romantic?"


	4. Chapter 4

You didn't think it was over, did you? Wait, I told you there were four chapters, didn't I? Well, anyways, what is a wedding without the reception to go with it?

And this is where the fun REALLY starts.

-4-

"Well, I guess for the most part this wedding turned out to be…entertaining…" Mandy said to Billy as the chef brought in the giant cake.

Billy wasn't paying attention to what Mandy was saying. He was too busy eyeing the cake. "Ooh! So much frosting! I wonder what kind it is! I hope it's chocolate! But white cake's okay, too. And marble. And lemon. And cheese. But NOT coconut! I don't like that kind."

"Whoa! Easy, Seabiscuit," Mandy said. "It's just as much my cake as it is yours."

As she said that, Grim bolted into the room. "RUN FOR YER PITIFUL LIVES!!!!"

"What's wrong?" Billy asked.

Grim hid behind Mandy. "I dropped da keys dat go wit' Mindy's and Irwin's confinements, and Harold found dem! Now dey loose! And dey ticked off at you two, and I want no part of it."

"Nice going, bonehead," Mandy said as the freed annoyances appeared in the doorway.

"YOU JERK!" both Mindy and Irwin yelled simultaneously as they ran toward the newlyweds.

When the two were close enough, Mandy pulled Billy and Grim out of the way, thus causing the two to run face-first into the cake.

Cake splattered all over the place, including Billy's mouth. "EWW! Coconut cake!"

"How thick is that cake?" Mandy asked the chef.

"Very thick," the chef replied. "They ain't gettin' out of that thing for a while."

"Then we can continue. Billy?" Mandy held out her hand. "Might as well get this over with."

"Um…I already put your ring on your finger," Billy said.

"Dance, stupid!"

"OHH! …I can't dance."

"Oh, and I have a PhD in dancing? Just take my hand!"

"Alright. If you say so," Billy said as he took her hand and led her to the dance floor. They'd barely begun to dance when Billy's foot found Mandy's.

"OW!"

"Sorry. Told you I can't dance."

She sighed. "It's okay, Billy. I won't get mad." She waited for her husband to feel like he was in the clear. "I'll just get even." Then, she stepped on his foot.

"YEE-OWW!"

"Now we're even," Mandy said in a nonchalant manner.

The red-head twitched. "Maybe we should stop dancing. I can't feel my foot…"

"Very well," Mandy said. "I didn't want to dance, either. It's just…expected. And besides, we danced a little bit. That's good enough."

"So…I guess now we can go?"

"Not yet. We've got one final thing to do. Grim?"

Grim walked up to the couple. "What?"

"Bouquet."

"Oh. Right." He gave her the flowers.

"Hey! What you doin' givin' flowers to my wife, Grim?!" Billy yelled.

"Billy, shut up," Mandy said. "It's a bouquet. It's for throwing."

"OOH! I like to throw stuff! Can I throw it? PLEASE?!"

"Knock yourself out," Mandy said, giving her newlywed husband the flowers. "Just throw it over your head."

"OKAY!" Billy shouted as he threw it. The bouquet landed in what was left of the cake.

"Looks like Mindy and Irwin are next," Mandy said monotonously.

Inside the cake, Mindy yelled a muffled "WHAT?!"

The blonde walked up to the cake. "I just know you two will make a lovely couple…"

Muffled screams were heard from the cake.

"Sounds like someone is shouting with joy," Mandy said as she walked off. "Come, Billy. Let's go home. Grim, take a few days off. Billy and I would like a little…privacy…"

"We would?" Billy asked. "Why?"

"Oh, happy day!" Grim shouted happily. "Three days of doin' anything but washing dishes and scrubbing toilets!"

-X-

"Seriously, why would we like a little privacy?" Billy asked as he and his bride left.

"It's a surprise, Billy," the blonde merely responded.

"OOH! I like surprises!"

"Yep. You certainly will…"

…

"Is it a racecar?"

"No."

"Is it a dinosaur?"

"NO!"

"Is it…Swiss cheese?"

"Do you want the surprise or not?" Mandy scowled, stopping in her tracks.

Billy stopped and turned back to his wife. "I'll be good."

"Thank you," she said gloomily as they entered the limo.

-X-

I wish I could've had a better ending than Billy and Mandy just "entering a limo". Ah well. I hope you enjoyed it anyway.

So…anyone want some cake?


End file.
